Goodbye skies of gray (paper straws), hello skies of blue (plastic straws)! On Monday, President Donald Trump signed an executive order that lifts the ban on plastic straws for many businesses, allowing then once again purchase plastic drinking straws.
No more going for a drink only to find your straw disintegrated into the liquid!
“We’re going back to plastic straws,” Trumps said, declaring war on their soggy counterparts.
“This is an executive order relating to the use of paper straws. As you’ve consistently identified, nobody really likes paper straws,” said Trump’s staff secretary, Will Scharf, as he presented the order.
“Number one trending! Can you believe it? The paper straws. It was number one trending for three days or something,” the president chimed in.
Sharf continued, “The environmental impact of plastic straws versus paper straws is entirely unclear. This has cost both the government and private industry an absolute ton of money and left consumers all over the country wildly dissatisfied with their straws. So, we’re asking aspects of the federal government, federal departments, and agencies to look at their existing procurement processes. And we’re asking your domestic policy council to look holistically at this issue to address it, and it really is something that affects ordinary Americans in their everyday lives.”
Before signing, Trump declared, “We’re going back to plastic straws. These things don’t work. I’ve had them many times, and on occasion, they break, they explode. If something’s hot, they don’t last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds. It’s a ridiculous situation.”
“So we’re going back to plastic straws. I think it’s okay,” he added.
“We’re going back to plastic straws!” Trump posted to Truth Social afterwards.
